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Thoughts on failure

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13/08/14 | 0509
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music: Frozen Dead's Kingdom - Vlad Tepes || Powered by Last.fm

Important to note that I'm not depressed at the moment; neither suicidal by any stretch of the imagination, which is good.

I've been under a lot of stress in the past week, some self-inflicted when I got into the habit of sleeping at hours later than 6 in the morning before any of my stressors appeared. Now that crisis is averted, I'm attempting to regain health and lost sleep, starting with tonight; I went straight to bed at 5PM after feeling that I was about to pass out but woke up several times during the night with rather worrying experiences and now don't feel tired enough to sleep at 5PM. I estimate that I've had eight or so hours' sleep, which at least is a start. The aftereffects of the stress will hopefully wear off in time, too.

I'm still disappointed in myself. Through relating with others I'm trying to lessen my need to one-up everyone in everything I'd like to do; the need to achieve is still there, though, and I'm not indulging it at all right now. I'm not happy about that. I want to draw and code and compose and write, but my concentration and motivation are more shot to pieces than they've ever been. Currently I'm collaborating with someone over his project idea but feel as if I'm not bringing anything to the table at all; this as he's working over the summer and I'm still stuck not even being able to apply for jobs.

How to get past this?

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